I would like to welcome my guest, Denise Muir to my blog. She has so graciously given me permission to share her segment on widowhood this morning. This is an excellent write up, and I am proud to have her today as my guest.
Thank you, Denise
Grieving is hard, and continual, it doesn't ever really stop or go away. You don't just "Get over it." You don't stop loving your spouse, just because you have decided you can't live life in a hole.
Loving again gives you some happiness. It doesn't take away the loss of what should have been, or the pain of what they are missing, the pain of what you know your children are missing.
For some reason people believe you can love more than one of your kids at a time, but that if you meet someone else you must have stopped loving your spouse.
Honestly, if it worked that way it would make life so much easier. How do you fall out of love with the person who was your other half, your partner in crime, the person who shared their life, shared their kids, and had children with you? You just don't. It doesn't mean you love less the next time around, only differently.
Widows, we've learned a lot. We expect a lot. We've had parts of our lives that were perfect, we want that. We've had parts that weren't perfect. We want that to be different this time around.
We've learned to live alone and take care of ourselves, therefore we don't need someone to take care of us. That doesn't mean we don't want someone to take care of and share our lives with. It is a choice, a hard one, and it takes two very strong people to make it work.
There is always judgment. We did things too fast. We did things too slow. We did something stupid, something you wouldn't have done if you were us. The thing is, we just want to make it through, to learn how to make it without them. To learn how to be happy, without being torn apart and judged for our choices. Our biggest, most important choice was taken away from us. Being a widow is not the choice we would have made. Being happy is a choice WE can make.
Please think of that when you decide we're not being a widow the way YOU would do it.
Be thankful that you don't know for sure.
Kiss you spouse. Pick up their socks. Wipe up the tooth paste. Be thankful you don't have to know how you would be a widow.